Today, as I am desperately trying to hear that inner voice, I am baffled by the number of voices I can hear inside me. I stop for a few moments and try to remember the time when I used to have fewer voices inside my head.
One was my brain, the second was my inner voice and third was my emotion.
Though it has always been rather easy to figure out which exactly is the inner voice, it has always been very difficult for some odd reason to accept and stand by it. I have witnessed the inner voice range from being fairly clear and loud to slightly hazy and sometimes borderline inaudible.
Did I bury it deep so many times in the past that now it refuses to show me the right way, or have I become so insensitive that its screams are nothing but silent whispers to my ears? I can’t help but wonder where I went wrong.
Not only has the voice slowly become a whisper, but a number of other voices have become uninvited guests in my mind. It feels as though the third voice which was emotion has broken down into separate voices. Each emotion wants to take over the others and exercise its supremacy.
In critical situations where you need to make important decisions, the voices of emotion become louder, there is an internal battle. Amongst all the confusion the inner voice struggling to be heard is often gone unnoticed.
With all this happening inside of you, you can only imagine how amazing you would be at decision making.
Sleep over it, they say. The next morning you will know what to do. Well, doesn’t look like that is working anymore, though. The next morning, the voices become louder and the situation gets even messier. The more you try to silence them, the louder they get.
Slowly you realize that you have lost touch with yourself, and clarity is the last thing you feel you can achieve. It is a cycle, which is why you should end it where it started; with yourself.
What induces these voices to become louder? The answer is simple. It is your fear; the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown. Call it defense mechanism or playing it safe, it is what it is.
With time the fear of taking risks in life keeps growing whereas, it should be the other way round. We prefer safer options, involving lesser chances of failure. Whatever happened to taking the ‘paths uncharted’? At this point I am reminded of a small passage I read by Steve Goodier,
“I have not always chosen the safest path. I’ve made my mistakes, plenty of them. I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I’ve learned something important along the way: I’ve learned to heed the call of my heart. I’ve learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I’ve learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted.”